We will need a new quiz, then.
We all agree that their's something wrong with that O.C.D. quiz. Help me make a new one, here, you can beta test this for me:
DUBIN's New and Improved O.C.D. test!
Or, how to know if you're a Bossy Know-it-all 4th-Grade Snot or not.
1. Did you notice that I spelled "there's" wrong in the first sentence?
a. yes (1 point)
b. not really (negative ten points)
2. If you noticed, did you:
a. hate my guts for it (2 points)
b. decide I'm an idiot and stop reading at that point (impossible, you're totally still reading)
c. give me the benefit of the doubt (negative 1 point)
d. I didn't NOTICE, you idiot, I already TOLD you that in question #1!!! (1 point)
3. Are you upset because the a-b-c-d part isn't indented beyond the 1-2-3 part?
a. yes, very (10 points)
b. yes, a little bit (zero points)
c. not really (are you sure? it's really annoying. ok, fine, zero points.)
4. Do you think O.C.D. is a smart person's affliction?
a. yes, I do (1 point)
b. no, that's a foundless theory (negative 2 points, you're not smart enough to be in our cool club)
5. Think about your favorite color. Is it odd, or even?
a. what are you talking about? (zero points)
b. even (1 point)
c. odd (1 point)
d. it's irrational (zero points, you're trying too hard)
6. What time is your alarm set for?
a. 7:08 (1 point)
b. 7:21 (1 point)
c. 7:33 (1 point)
d. 7:49 (1 point)
e. 8:00 (zero points)
7. What will happen if you don't make a basket when throwing out a piece of litter?
a. the world will end (1 point)
b. something unknown but bad will happen (1 point)
c. something unknown but good will happen (ok, that's a new one, 1 point for that)
d. nothing (you poor, blissful soul: zero points)
e. you have to go back and try it again seven times, and if you miss any of those you have to start over but you can only achieve success if you complete this task on a try that is a power of seven in itself, and if you make seven baskets on the seventh try you're damn lucky because otherwise you wouldn't get a good chance until the 49th try or even later (stop here, you win)
8. Is there a correct way to jog around the park (counterclockwise vs. clockwise)?
a. No, because if you always go the same way 'round, you'll develop asymmetrical muscle tone so you should mix it up (zero points)
b. No, because if you go the same way every time, then you will get tan on one arm and one leg and one half of your face, so mix it up (true, but zero points)
c. Yes, G-d intended us to only go counterclockwise around the park (1 point)
9. If you think you see a ghost in your house, you should
a. scream (zero points)
b. talk to it rationally and assume it's a good ghost (1 point)
c. convince yourself that you are crazy and that there's no such thing as ghosts (negative one point)
d. walk around the location where you saw it, counterclockwise, seven times, and it will never bother you again (1 point)
10. Which part of the floor is lava?
a. cracks (1 point)
b. all the black tiles (1 point)
c. every seam in the hardwood floor (ooh, sorry for you but you get three points)
d. the actual lava part (zero points)
11. Do you have hand sanitizer in your desk drawer at work?
a. yes--doesn't every woman? (1 point)
b. yes, next to my toothbrush and floss and first aid kit (2 points)
c. yes, and I make people use it before they touch my mouse (3 points)
d. yes, and I use it to clean up after I murder anyone who EVER tries to touch my mouse (4 points)
12. The following things help a commercial airplane stay aloft:
a. your walkman being ON even when the stewardess says it can't be during takeoff (1 point)
b. air pressure differential above/below the wing (zero points)
c. the fact that you touched the safety card three times (2 points)
d. angle of the flaps and adequate air speed (zero points)
e. competent pilot and copilot (zero points)
f. the fact that you winked three times in the pilot's direction before he turned around and saw you (1 point)
g. fuel (ok, one point for fuel)
h. the dedication with which you repeat your mantra silently and continuously to yourself throughout the entire flight ("please lord don't let us all go down in a gleaming silver death machine, please lord don't let us all go down in a gleaming silver death machine, etc.") (three points)
OK, let's SCORE YOU:
Negative points: You're really, truly, amazingly normal. Congratulations.
1-3 points: You're probably ok. It may be that you're just a little paranoid, or neurotic, or maybe you're just obnoxious and got that point from question #2. All in all you're not that hard to relate to, but you still might be the type to squeeze the toothpaste tube in the middle and leave it like that. (Shivers.)
3+ points: You know who you are. Practice getting a grip by purposely sabotaging some of your own routines to prove to yourself that no one's gonna die. If anyone actually does die, that would be a shame and would actually be a serious setback for you. But that's beside the point.
Congratulations! You have finished my first ever quiz that I wrote all by myself.