Sep 27, 2006

We will need a new quiz, then.


We all agree that their's something wrong with that O.C.D. quiz. Help me make a new one, here, you can beta test this for me:

DUBIN's New and Improved O.C.D. test!
Or, how to know if you're a Bossy Know-it-all 4th-Grade Snot or not.

1. Did you notice that I spelled "there's" wrong in the first sentence?
a. yes (1 point)
b. not really (negative ten points)

2. If you noticed, did you:
a. hate my guts for it (2 points)
b. decide I'm an idiot and stop reading at that point (impossible, you're totally still reading)
c. give me the benefit of the doubt (negative 1 point)
d. I didn't NOTICE, you idiot, I already TOLD you that in question #1!!! (1 point)

3. Are you upset because the a-b-c-d part isn't indented beyond the 1-2-3 part?
a. yes, very (10 points)
b. yes, a little bit (zero points)
c. not really (are you sure? it's really annoying. ok, fine, zero points.)

4. Do you think O.C.D. is a smart person's affliction?
a. yes, I do (1 point)
b. no, that's a foundless theory (negative 2 points, you're not smart enough to be in our cool club)

5. Think about your favorite color. Is it odd, or even?
a. what are you talking about? (zero points)
b. even (1 point)
c. odd (1 point)
d. it's irrational (zero points, you're trying too hard)

6. What time is your alarm set for?
a. 7:08 (1 point)
b. 7:21 (1 point)
c. 7:33 (1 point)
d. 7:49 (1 point)
e. 8:00 (zero points)

7. What will happen if you don't make a basket when throwing out a piece of litter?
a. the world will end (1 point)
b. something unknown but bad will happen (1 point)
c. something unknown but good will happen (ok, that's a new one, 1 point for that)
d. nothing (you poor, blissful soul: zero points)
e. you have to go back and try it again seven times, and if you miss any of those you have to start over but you can only achieve success if you complete this task on a try that is a power of seven in itself, and if you make seven baskets on the seventh try you're damn lucky because otherwise you wouldn't get a good chance until the 49th try or even later (stop here, you win)

8. Is there a correct way to jog around the park (counterclockwise vs. clockwise)?
a. No, because if you always go the same way 'round, you'll develop asymmetrical muscle tone so you should mix it up (zero points)
b. No, because if you go the same way every time, then you will get tan on one arm and one leg and one half of your face, so mix it up (true, but zero points)
c. Yes, G-d intended us to only go counterclockwise around the park (1 point)

9. If you think you see a ghost in your house, you should
a. scream (zero points)
b. talk to it rationally and assume it's a good ghost (1 point)
c. convince yourself that you are crazy and that there's no such thing as ghosts (negative one point)
d. walk around the location where you saw it, counterclockwise, seven times, and it will never bother you again (1 point)

10. Which part of the floor is lava?
a. cracks (1 point)
b. all the black tiles (1 point)
c. every seam in the hardwood floor (ooh, sorry for you but you get three points)
d. the actual lava part (zero points)

11. Do you have hand sanitizer in your desk drawer at work?
a. yes--doesn't every woman? (1 point)
b. yes, next to my toothbrush and floss and first aid kit (2 points)
c. yes, and I make people use it before they touch my mouse (3 points)
d. yes, and I use it to clean up after I murder anyone who EVER tries to touch my mouse (4 points)

12. The following things help a commercial airplane stay aloft:
a. your walkman being ON even when the stewardess says it can't be during takeoff (1 point)
b. air pressure differential above/below the wing (zero points)
c. the fact that you touched the safety card three times (2 points)
d. angle of the flaps and adequate air speed (zero points)
e. competent pilot and copilot (zero points)
f. the fact that you winked three times in the pilot's direction before he turned around and saw you (1 point)
g. fuel (ok, one point for fuel)
h. the dedication with which you repeat your mantra silently and continuously to yourself throughout the entire flight ("please lord don't let us all go down in a gleaming silver death machine, please lord don't let us all go down in a gleaming silver death machine, etc.") (three points)

OK, let's SCORE YOU:

Negative points: You're really, truly, amazingly normal. Congratulations.

1-3 points: You're probably ok. It may be that you're just a little paranoid, or neurotic, or maybe you're just obnoxious and got that point from question #2. All in all you're not that hard to relate to, but you still might be the type to squeeze the toothpaste tube in the middle and leave it like that. (Shivers.)

3+ points: You know who you are. Practice getting a grip by purposely sabotaging some of your own routines to prove to yourself that no one's gonna die. If anyone actually does die, that would be a shame and would actually be a serious setback for you. But that's beside the point.

Congratulations! You have finished my first ever quiz that I wrote all by myself.


Blogger nonblogger opined...

8. after eating a take-out plate of rosemary fries with rock salt do you:

a. use your last fry nibblet or a greasy-moist finger to pick up all the extra rock salt flecks because those are the best part?
b. neatly fold the aluminim round take-out plate into a new flat shape and think of a geometric hybrid name for it before throwing it across the room into the recycle bin (multiple times)?
c. package your used up ketchup packets into the take-out plate and neatly re-pack it so it looks like the origianl, once hot friend you just devoured?
d. let the nurse take it away.

6:51 PM  
Blogger capella opined...

i want to meet the blissful soul who gets to sleep until 8 on a regular basis.

8:38 PM  
Blogger Megan opined...

I never set my alarm to anything that ends in 0 or 5. I think those numbers get used all the time and the other numbers feel left out. They need a chance to let their inner beauty shine and I'm here to give it to them.

6:31 PM  
Blogger amanda bee opined...

Can we add one to the hand sanitizer question which is "In my purse, and I get it out after every meal to sanitize my hands" (-10 points, you are a flaming idiot)

If I see one more person sanitize their hands after a meal I might have to explode. It is a non-logical thing that makes me very upset. If you are going to use hand sanitizer, do it *before*, doofus.

6:17 AM  
Blogger Megan opined...


I am way better about counting my steps, but I still don't like if I can't take an even number of steps between each crack. Because then one foot FEELS WRONG and I have to even it out later, in a shorter or longer sidewalk square.

12:44 PM  
Blogger Dubin opined...

Precisely. Through Rittenhouse, there is a walkway where every ten feet or so there's a brick band, and you absolutely have to step on the bands with alternating feet so each foot gets equal coverage. The only problem is the bandwidth isn't quite set up for that because some stupid pathway designer didn't even think about it. Ok, I should be more generous since I know how it is to be a designer and really, you can't always think of everything. But one would think appropriate band spacing would be high up on the priority list.

5:19 PM  
Blogger Abby opined...

another add to the hand sanitizer question: "Have a hard time resisting the impulse to throw out hand sanitizers every time encountered, since they create zones of anti-biotic-resistant super bugs that will kill us all..."

7:04 PM  
Blogger AEW opined...

I protest your quiz! I got a seriously negative score and obviously only earned points for the spelling and formatting bits. But I can't accurately score myself if there isn't a point amount for "owns no hand sanitizer"! Really? Every woman does? Aren't you more obsessed about breeding resistant bacteria and rendering sewage-treatment micro-organisms ineffective than getting a little germy? Can I claim to be obsessively opposed to hand sanitizer? Will that bring my score up?

2:24 PM  
Blogger amanda bee opined...

I can't tell you all how glad I am to see other non-sanitizers speak up.

A certain future mother in law who shall remain nameless (uh right. Cuz I have so many) has sanitizer rather than soap in the bathroom, so you couldn't wash your hands if you wanted to. It makes my head explode.

In addition to creating resistant germs, antibacterial soap also doesn't work. I can't find the study (probably in The Ecologist) that found that ten minutes after sanitizing there was *no* difference in the germ level on sanitized vs. unsanitized hands.

12:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous opined...

Alcohol-based hand sanitizers don't create super-resistant bugs, so there's no reason to throw those out.

2:44 PM  

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