May 21, 2007

The Scourge of Things I Hate Contrasted with the Joy of Things I Love


Girls who wear flipflops and think that flipflops are shoes. They're NOT SHOES! This morning I saw a woman on the bus who was wearing a business suit with black flipflops! Black flipflops are not "formal" flipflops. Neither should flipflops with a wedge heel be considered as an extra stylish version of the standard flipflop. Ladies, seriously, I really wish that you would not wear these things with a dress-up outfit. The appropriate use of the FF is with a really ratty pair of jeans or shorts and a tank top and you're actually going to the beach or just bumming around your block. Not for a job interview and not for going to class and not for Saturday night.

Update: I can't believe I forgot to mention this other particularity of my flipflop/toenail hate.

The only thing I hate worse than the start of flipflop season is this other character who shows up all year round - the Jock Wearing Those Blue and White Addidas Plastic Sandals with the Nubby Things on the Inside of the Foot Part and Who Never, Ever Picks up His/Her Feet So those Damned Things Slap Against the Ground All Day Long. He/she is often spotted in the bathroom of your suite at Foothill dorm at U.C. Berkeley. Pick up your feet, kid! Step lively!!!

Finally, I hate that I cannot sleep these days. CAN'T SLEEP. Am not sleeping. Actually, I'm surprised I'm not more tired right now.


Nice sandals. Strappy sandals that I cannot wear right now because my feet are too dinner-rollish due to pregnancy.

Also, love the weather today. As I was walking back from the doctor's to my office, I realized it was perfect ice cream weather. I noticed that this divey pizza place I walked past had ice cream, so I went in and asked for a mint-chip cone; the guy who served it up seemed like he had never done it before, and the ice cream kept falling off the cone back into the bucket. He was an old Italian guy. Finally he got it to stay on there and says, "Hey, becausa you pretty lady anda you also pregnant, I treat you," and gives me the cone. I love him!

Except the cone was weak. I mean, the ice cream was tasty enough, but there wasn't much of it and it was el cheapo stuff. So I ate it and kept walking and then passed ANOTHER ice cream place, except this one was a real parlor, so I WENT IN AND GOT ANOTHER CONE. You heard me, I ate two ice cream cones in a row! The second one was blueberry cheesecake flavor and greatly exceeded the first in quantity and quality. It was delicious. I gotta take advantage of this preg thing while I still can, you know.

I think it's cute when ladies ask me when I'm due and then announce, "It's a boy, right?" and when I say "yes," they act like, DAMN, they're good. I love that. They feel so accomplished at having predicted Dean's maleness by observing something in the way my beachball is positioned on me. They are always so proud of themselves, these ladies who are usually older immigrant ladies or older black American ladies. They are cute.

Finally, the one good things about not being able to sleep is that I get to witness Carmen's predawn antics. I love them. Around four in the a.m., Carmen perks up and starts looking around. Her ears go up. She waits. She sits there on the bed looking towards the window. She turns on her ESP radar thing she has. At approximately 4:12 am, she gets extra alert and maybe says, "Boh!" softly. Then at 4:14 a vehicle can be heard at the end of the street, but barely... at this point she runs downstairs to get set up. At 4:15, the vehicle passes our house, slows down or stops, and the newspaper comes through the door slot - this is the moment she's been building to! She barks like hell for about 10 seconds and bites the paper out of the slot. Then she leaves it down there, comes back upstairs, brushes her paws together in self-satisfaction, and goes back to sleep. I love her.


Blogger bobvis opined...

I wore Birkenstocks with slacks to go teach today. How awful is that?

6:04 PM  
Blogger Capella opined...

I hate seeing women in flipflops wandering around the bookstore or whatever. Don't their feet get cold? And why do they think that a piece of foam with a tiny plastic strip - something that is made to be worn at or en route to the beach or the pool or the public shower - is appropriate public wear? These are the same women who think t-shirts do not need to have backs. Or fronts.

7:52 PM  
Blogger lil miss dubin opined...

ok re: flip-flops. dude. frealtho. if you ask the blue-eyed guy (or even if you don't ask) he will tell you: "i do not approve of flip-flops, except for at the beach." and i totally agree. i mean, come on, people. we're not wearing hats on planes or gloves on the atlantic city boardwalk anymore, so the least you can do is wear real shoes, honestly. ps: i heeeella love carmen. pps: i wish i could eat two ice cream cones, or even one, and not feel like cavonesville. i guess pregnancy allows you to do that. btw, i can't sleep for nothin and i'm not even preg.

10:40 PM  
Blogger karen opined...

i want to see a picture of your "beachball"!
3 weeks to go about, right? i remember not sleeping at this stage. i think it's the baby's way of preparing you for not sleeping when they're born.
it's hot, and i just got a pedicure. i think i'm entitled to flip-flops, or as i used to call them- "thongs."

8:11 AM  
Blogger Dubin opined...

Birkenstocks with slacks? Sounds ok. I really jsut have a thing about flipflops, really. I myself wore Tevas yesterday. (Don't let Amber see I wrote that.) I work Tevas to work! I can get away with that kind of stuff becuase I'm usually so fashion-forward that people think it must be some new cool thing that is actually really stylish.

And I know! We used to call them "thongs" too, but that was before that meant "undies up your bum."

12:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous opined...

If your tonails are groomed and you don't wear birkenstocks with dirty white gymsocks and slacks, you're probably alright.

I straight up wore my rubber flip-flops today, I won't deny it, but I was just going to yoga and then to a coffee shop.

I secretly went through a phase of truly believing that my little leather flip-flops with slacks were indeed a workable professional outfit. That was then, though. This is now.

I have more pet peeves, like women who bust out the sandals waaaay too early in spring, before they've gotten around to de-winterizing their feet. Also, I find it entirely unacceptable (and I've done it, which makes my a hypocrite) to wear flip-flops in the New York City subway system which is foul, filthy and has rats and roaches. Don't go underground without armor or we'll all know you're clearly carrying contagious cooties.

1:27 PM  
Blogger bobvis opined...

Hmm, I haven't gone metro enough to actually consider grooming my fingernails let alone my toenails.

6:49 PM  
Blogger AEW opined...

Oh, you are busted! Tevas??!! Now I don't feel so bad about admitting to my frequent flip flop/thong donning.

I would like to point out, though, that any reliance on that footwear is purely geographical, and I would never wear flip flops on the subway, much less anywhere near an urban area where people actually care about what they're wearing. It's just Vegas. I've given up. See my comment about the cotton gaucho pants.

10:12 PM  
Blogger amanda bee opined...

Bob, you are a grown up now, and you need to know this: there is nothing gay about grooming. You don't have to pay someone to do it for you and sprinkle you with rose water when they're done, but you do have to do it.

8:39 AM  

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