Mar 19, 2007

Getting Organized

Taxes need to be done, so I'm going to start organizing my papers. I need to fish out all the things I've saved, this time for the two of us since we will be filing jointly (not sure yet what that implies, tax burden-wise) -- W2s, 1099s, that paper that comes from the mortgage company, the sheet from PNC bank that says I earned $10 interest on my checking account this year, charitable donations, etc. Then I have to throw out all the other slips of paper I've saved that have nothing to do with any of that - for example, old bills that I already paid but felt the need to save for some unknown reason.

Then I gotta organize other things, because relatively soon we will move to the Hazel House. We'll need to do some purging over here in the G-Ho; I already made a box for the Goodwill, in which I placed some tag sale things TJ's mom got us (olive holder and toothpick dispenser, country cottage spoon-holder for the stove, fluorescent-painted candelabra made out of bread dough from Venezuela, etc.). We have a long way to go yet.

Then, if the organizing bug really hits me, I can go through and finish the thankyous from our wedding, start making lists of weird things we need to buy to accommodate a baby in our lives, and go throw out all the little tiny flosses and toothpastes we seem to have so many of from going to the dentist.

To top things off, I can organize some of the intangibles around here. For example, I will now summarize and categorize the games that the pets play, in order of their preference, just for my own records:

1. Barbarians at the Gate: This game is played by hanging out at our bedroom door and alternately whining or pawing the doorknob, or meowing depending on who you are. When TJ finally gets sick of it in the morning and goes to open the door, go ahead and bust in and race all around, causing chaos.

2. The Land of Not Carmen: For cats only. This is a game played by Nani about 75% of the time. It involves being where Carmen is not, usually accomplished by achieving a greater-than-floor-level altitude. Favorite locales in the Land include the "Nani Alter" (a stool she likes to lounge on), the bureau, the dining room table, and best of all, the top of the fridge.

3. Drawer: Also a cat-only game. Drawer is played when some human opens a drawer in the dresser and Nani jumps into my underwear and stays in there even though I'm allergic to her and will probably itch because of it. On occasion, TJ will forget she's in there and close the drawer. Heh heh.

4. Cats and Dogs: Similar to Barbarians except more interactive between the two of them. Carmen chases Nani all around and they both squeal and turn the rugs upside down.

5. Flat Surface: Nani used to play this a lot more often before we kicked the two of them out of the sleeping area. This game is played by stepping on TJ's chest when he is in a more-or-less horizontal position and flattening his torso with repeated kneading movements. When the torso is good and flat, and only then, Nani lays down with her dainty paws crossed and her butt right in TJ's nose. Purring adds to the effect.

6. Stick: Carmen's favorite. Probably self-explanatory.

7. Sit on my Face and Tell me that you Love Me: Carmen's signature move is to nip another dog's ankles until they get all distracted and irritated, and then do a switcharoo move and plant her butt on their face. This signifies a win.

8. I'm Ignoring You: Nani plays this game with Carmen quite often. She also plays it with me, which makes me upset because hey, I give her wet food and everything. She never, ever plays this game with TJ.

9. Accountant: Nani used to play this more often, but she's kind of grown disgusted with us and has lowered her expectations. She used to get wet food on the weekends as a special treat, so she'd religiously keep track of the days and then remind us when it was a weekend day. She even had this little green eye shade and some kind of ledger for keeping her dates straight. The only problem was that it was often actually a Thursday or a Wednesday when she'd demand that it was in fact Sunday, and if you dared to argue she'd shriek, "By my calculations it's SUNDAY!" and there was no arguing with her.

10. Entropy/Saving the World: Every time the two of them (or Carmen, as the case usually is) turn something upside down or inside out, or shred or disembowel anything with stuffing, or barf or crap somewhere inside, or tear open the trash, or punch holes in all the mail with her teeth, Carmen will have some overblown science-based excuse for it. If I remember right, the logic goes something like this: By increasing entropy in this localized region, the pets are actually trying to offset the increase of entropy in our world as a whole. Something about how if entropy tends to increase in general, then the only way to save the universe from expanding out of control is to account for all worldwide entropy right here in our house. I don't know, you have to ask her if you want more explanation. Frankly, I think the whole thing is bullshit.


Blogger karen opined...

love that nani altar- gorgeous piece! where'd you get it? after the baby comes you'll be like "we have pets?! where?!"

12:09 AM  
Blogger lil miss dubin opined...

wait, not so fast. I want the country cottage spoon holder.

12:21 AM  
Blogger AEW opined...

Our cats hate us sooooo much for breeding. Karen's right: "We have cats??"

And organize the things you've never even thought of organizing! We are forevermore in the era of Having No Time. "Wha--, we have to pay taxes?"

(Bread dough candelabra?)

12:21 PM  
Blogger Amanda opined...

PearlRiver carries a close approximation of Nani's altar.

Does childbearing mean that you'll never again procrastinate? That can't be.

7:46 AM  
Blogger AEW opined...

No, it means all the things you would normally procrastinate about don't even make it to the "to do" list. They just go utterly undone.

9:01 PM  
Blogger Dubin opined...

Stop it, you guys are scaring me.

10:24 PM  
Blogger AEW opined...

Mwa ha ha! You are DOOMED!

Now I will some company.

9:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous opined...

Don't let these hecklers get you down. Childbearing is like a big whoosh that turns everything upside down for about 3 months. You'll get very little sleep. Think of it as an extended acid trip, only mellower, cause everybody will be bringing you stuff, oohing and awing and lying about how beautiful the kid is even though it has a pointy head, crossed eyes and drools. Then gradually you'll return to real life. The taxes will still be there but you'll never look at your domestic animals in the same light again and you'll wonder how come you spent so much time making stupid lists about their insignificant antics.

11:29 AM  
Blogger Dubin opined...

Ok, fine, I get it. We won't have pets. They'll hate us and run away. As it is, Nani's probably going to get deported to Seattle anyway, since she has a chip in her neck that says her address is Seattle because TJ hasn't changed it to Philadelphia. We keep thinking that if she ever runs away, we'll eventually get a collect call from "Mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroow," and have to go out there and retrieve her.

12:43 PM  
Blogger karen opined...

thanks amanda! i'll check pearl river. if i could go back and talk to my pre-kid self i'd say "clean the basement." so, do one big project before the baby comes. you'll be glad you did. btw, where are you registered? we were at babies "r" us today, (just writing that "r" makes me cringe,) and i looked you up and couldn't find you, which is kinda good because that store pisses me off, but where else would you register for all that crap you need?! here in missouri, it's it.

10:06 PM  
Blogger Dubin opined...

I'm not registered! I don't know what the hell crap I need. I imagine I need:

-a crib or bassinet

... ok, what else do I need?

10:10 PM  
Blogger Capella opined...

... ok, what else do I need?

I'm sure there are whole stores full of salespeople who will be happy to help you figure it out, particularly if you find yourself in possession of a burdensomely large sum of money after you do your taxes.

8:53 AM  

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