Practice Less Denial
I thought my last post was cute and touching and whatnot, but I got some rather pointed feedback from those older and wiser than I am that is DANGEROUS to broach such topics in public or private because men are squirrelly about the mention of boys in the past. This sent me into a little loop of self-consciousness, like, why am I writing this whole thing in the first place? In concept it seemed like a good idea, but I realize that if you write a blog on the topic of "Learning about what Marriage Is and How to have a Good One, the Play-by-Play" then you start framing your life in terms of potential problems to write about. This could be an accidentally diabolical way to generate neuroses.
On that note, let's talk about something else for a while. I've been riding my bike to work these days because it's still not too muggy... when it's not raining, it's been really lovely. And there's no better way to see more of the charm of living in this town than tooling past early- and mid- 19th century rowhouses all adorned with window boxes.
I'm not the most skilled at riding in traffic; in an ideal world I'd ride only on paths and roads that have no moving or parked cars on them. But in Philadelphia you can sometimes get where you're going by taking only the tiniest of side streets. In the mornings, there are never any cars on them at all. So I meander around those, with the game of staying off the big streets as much as possible. Each morning I refine my ride by trying to stay off the sidewalk more and more, until I can figure out a way to get all the way to my office on asphalt without traffic.
So I'm riding along each morning, and all of a sudden I realize I'm having an ongoing imaginary conversation with the officer that tries to give me a ticket for riding on the sidewalk. This is a fantasy, there is no actual officer giving me a ticket. It's bizarre how this conversation happens continuously, and usually involves me making excuses for how I hardly ever really ride on the sidewalk, but uh, they're repaving the street here and there, and uh, well that street was one way and I didn't realize it until too late, and um I really never ride on the sidewalk hardly EVER but last year I got doored by a taxi and I'm scarred by that, and so really please consider not giving me a ticket.
There comes a point that you realize that if you are constantly having an imaginary conversation with an officer begging for leniency, you are probably riding on the sidewalk more than you think you are. Note to self: practice less denial.
P.S. Now that so many little streets are being repaved, you can see all the old cobblestones underneath! Philadelphia rules.
P.P.S. This morning TJ mentioned that since he has to go to a conference in Korea in the fall, he was tossing around the idea of staying an extra week to visit Japan given that it's so close and when-will-he-ever-be-out-there-again? My first reaction was confusionwhyareyouleavingfortwowholeweekswithoutmejealousy. Is this normal? We can discuss this tomorrow, for now tawk amongst yourselves. Thanks.
On that note, let's talk about something else for a while. I've been riding my bike to work these days because it's still not too muggy... when it's not raining, it's been really lovely. And there's no better way to see more of the charm of living in this town than tooling past early- and mid- 19th century rowhouses all adorned with window boxes.
I'm not the most skilled at riding in traffic; in an ideal world I'd ride only on paths and roads that have no moving or parked cars on them. But in Philadelphia you can sometimes get where you're going by taking only the tiniest of side streets. In the mornings, there are never any cars on them at all. So I meander around those, with the game of staying off the big streets as much as possible. Each morning I refine my ride by trying to stay off the sidewalk more and more, until I can figure out a way to get all the way to my office on asphalt without traffic.
So I'm riding along each morning, and all of a sudden I realize I'm having an ongoing imaginary conversation with the officer that tries to give me a ticket for riding on the sidewalk. This is a fantasy, there is no actual officer giving me a ticket. It's bizarre how this conversation happens continuously, and usually involves me making excuses for how I hardly ever really ride on the sidewalk, but uh, they're repaving the street here and there, and uh, well that street was one way and I didn't realize it until too late, and um I really never ride on the sidewalk hardly EVER but last year I got doored by a taxi and I'm scarred by that, and so really please consider not giving me a ticket.
There comes a point that you realize that if you are constantly having an imaginary conversation with an officer begging for leniency, you are probably riding on the sidewalk more than you think you are. Note to self: practice less denial.
P.S. Now that so many little streets are being repaved, you can see all the old cobblestones underneath! Philadelphia rules.
P.P.S. This morning TJ mentioned that since he has to go to a conference in Korea in the fall, he was tossing around the idea of staying an extra week to visit Japan given that it's so close and when-will-he-ever-be-out-there-again? My first reaction was confusionwhyareyouleavingfortwowholeweekswithoutmejealousy. Is this normal? We can discuss this tomorrow, for now tawk amongst yourselves. Thanks.
posted by Dubin at 9:04 AM
3 Comments:
Hey hon,
My rule is never to write anything that I wouldn't say to someone's face and also that if I write about someone, I let them know pretty quick. On the other hand, it makes my blog really one-sided; I won't write anything bad there.
Also, I keep hoping that it will give a better picture of me over time. Writing about the ex and ex-best makes it seem like they are still on my mind, but when they only appear in a post every couple months or so, perhaps people can see that I think about other things far more.
I would tell him...
I agree with the idea of never saying something online that one wouldn't say to a person's face, but I take the view that being relatively open to people we're close to even about things which could be taken the wrong way is a good thing.
I can't speak for anyone else (and given the extent to which social convention conflicts with directness, a lot of people must disagree with me), but I find it reassuring when I know from past experience that someone will tell me the truth even when I don't want to hear it. It makes silence a lot easier to interpret.
I admit that having hide like a battleship makes this approach easier, but I like to think that I'd feel the same way even if my skin were a little thinner.
Btw, having followed a link here from Megan's blog (which I found from Marginal Revolution), let me cast one vote for being interested in what is involved in the adjustment process as two people merge their lives.
Telnar
Nice blog, I too am a new visitor. I actually worry even if I post something about significant others that I would say to their face, especially if it's about them in any way (or even comparing relationships.) I generally try to tell the person beforehand to at least see if it will be a big deal. Picking your battles and all.
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